i am thrashing...

i stole the concept of "thrashing" from Mandy Steward over at messy canvas so i can't take any credit for the verbiage. good ole webster defines thrashing as 'moving in a violent or convulsive way'. that may sound extreme but my body wrenches more than it's able to be still. i've never really been into mediation or anything but i also wouldn't call myself high-strung. the point is that this thrashing, this act of pacing through my mind, vigorously, continually, consistently inconsistent is new to me. though i've decided that it's ok, it's still sorta new. and at times really freaks me out. my community, the core group of people i surround myself with have been through some real muck this year, some of which shows no signs of slowing. my job, career, and daily work have seen a series of changes, none of which have forced me to relocate or change paths alltogether, and yet, I thrash. family members in crisis, family members on death beds, family members not speaking... it's a mess. so i thrash. romans 8 talks about physical wailing, deep crying out to God when words won't cut it. maybe that's where i am finding myself.

if anyone reading this is worried, let me ease your spirits.. i am ok. life isn't all gloom, and to be honest, parts of my life are really, really good. i have an amazing community that loves me, a great job, and am financial 'ok' and yet i am thrashing. this internal struggle with self, with my desires and dreams keep me up more nights than i care to admit. some of this is good as it forces me to finally open the word or sit in silent prayer. these are growth pains, and are necessary to evolve. in any case, there is still pain. there are still days where i feel like giving up. but i don't. i cling to Abba's promise to do immeasurable more than i can ask or imagine. the word imagine strikes a chord in the "creative" in me. the Bible literally commands us to dream, to believe in greater things. so with this new season, new year, new opportunities, new failures, new commitments and new dreams, i choose, even in my thrashiest of days, to believe in hope. that's all i know to do.

 

-- if you are reading this and find yourself in a similar spot, or maybe your 'thrashing' feels more like the end of your rope, may i take this moment to encourage you. it does get better. beauty does exist. hope is real. please talk to someone. you are worth it. --

i'm all but leaving facebook.

many of you have heard me threaten to leave facebook and a few have rightfully made fun of me for not following through with it but now i'm serious. facebook is over for me. i've spent too much time scrolling through a feed of useless rants and random buzzfeed articles. because of this, I've decided to seriously scale back the amount I use the site at all. the social network is being surpassed by other entities in terms of creativity, usefulness, and generating community in leaps and bounds. the only area facebook has any game is in the number of people with accounts, unfortunately giving me just enough reason to keep it active. other than being useful for some measures of contact, it's littered with ads, political propaganda, and let's be honest here: i really don't care that tiffany's mom liked that johnny shared the portrait video of that one cat sneezing. it's adorable, the end. 

 

here's how I'm leaving facebook, without actually leaving facebook.

 

1) the app has been deleted my phone. i actually removed it a few days ago and I don't miss it in the slightest. i'll keep the messenger app as a way to respond to people, share contact info, etc, etc.

 

2) i will be limiting, reposting to facebook, the posts, pictures, and videos that reside on other social networking sites. 

 

3) occasionally, if I think it will benefit others or make my mom laugh, i will post to Facebook. this will be seldom. of course any big news in the life of robby will make their due appearance on my wall/timeline/whatever-they-are-calling-it.

 

4) i will check Facebook for notifications, at most, once a day. don't try to reach me there for for anything critical or time sensitive. that's why Steve invented iMessage. i'll also not be checking facebook on my sabbath day which is typically monday. nothing super spiritual here, just one more thing I don't need to be doing that day.

 

5) I might still use facebook to rsvp for events. it's a definite maybe.

 

here's where else you'll be able to stay connected with me.

twitter has allowed me to develop some truly close friendships. it's simple and i love it. if you don't love twitter perhaps you aren't using a great client like tweetbot, which I highly recommend.

instagram is fun. little square pictures of filtered life. my sandwich never looked so good.

i just joined vsco and am excited to post my iPhone photography to the grid. The community there seems pretty legit too.

this blog is something I hope to get better at keeping up to date and make a part of my online routine.

lastly I'm excited about joining ello. if you don't know what that is, it's a brand new social site with a clean look, simple navigation and is guaranteed to never use ads, even making the mandate a part of the company's bylaws. it's just entering public beta so holler at me if you want an invite. if it can manage to stay uncluttered and yet still connect me to useful content and people, i'm in. i love the minimalist nature and of course, the idea of never having ads.

 

so there it is. goodbye facebook. I doubt you'll be missed.